I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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