Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
false alarm, still single
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