After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
