I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
