Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
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Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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