shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
