beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
