I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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