Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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