Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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