hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
