Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
