I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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