i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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