So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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