Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
