sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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