I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Found the puke drawer
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
