The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
