grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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