I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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