I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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