I think my vagina is haunted
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
