like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I want to be your penis for a week.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
