my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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