After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
