In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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