I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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