if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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