Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
