I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
