i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
