i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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