I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He passed out mid-signature
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
