bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
