i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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