Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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