Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
