i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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