TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
