I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
don't judge my taste in strippers
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
