the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize