Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
