can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
