I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
