I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize