there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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