Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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