chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
