put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
