I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
