i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
