Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
