WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
