Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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