"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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