So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
