I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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