is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
