i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
