just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
