You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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