Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
