Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
