Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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