Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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