i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
