the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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