her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Randomize
