Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
