Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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