i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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