I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize