I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
