I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
