and you said cock pushups were impossible
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
