I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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