this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
