my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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