Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize