She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
