I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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