every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
