I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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