my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
