I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
