Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
