she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
