Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
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Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He shit in the fireplace
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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