If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
