So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
