I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
